Saving America

I’m an avid cyclist. Skinny tires. Spandex. Don’t try to imagine it. Just realize it’s happening. Anyway, I’m pretty used to people in lifted trucks smoking me with exhaust on the rural roads near my Oregon home. Or revving their motor just behind me to give me a fright. Or flipping me off.

You get the idea.

Well... things were a little different today. I went out for a ride in some new navy blue shorts I got on sale. I threw on an old red jersey, along with my white helmet. All of it was a hodgepodge of discount gear.

I rode 50 miles, and during that time people smiled at me. They waved. Some dude near the lake cheered and lifted their beers. But it wasn’t until a group of teenagers driving by saluted me in unison while screaming “god bless America” that I realized I did, in fact, look a lot like an American flag.

Now, perhaps it’s because we are so close to the Fourth of July, or maybe it’s because I look really sexy in red white and blue, but I don’t think a late 30 something father of three in stretchy revealing cycling gear has ever felt so much love, and I’m wondering if I’m finally popular enough to run for mayor. Or at the very least, the mayor’s assistant.

So if you see an awkwardly shaped middle aged American flag huffing away on a rural Oregon road, that’s just me, uniting America.

(Since I’m sure you are curious, the answer is, “yes.” I wrecked a little taking this picture.)

You should totally buy my hilarious new book “Silence is a Scary Sound.” No pressure. But please realize that if you do go for it, there will be a 37-year-old man doing a “YES” dance in his living room, probably wearing pants he bought at Costco. And frankly, that is priceless https://amzn.to/34viyhq